Chapter 18
Distraction is a heavy cobweb covered drapery, obscuring the light of truth; it impedes the flow of discernment. Lord knows I was distracted trying to get the show done, running Gabriel's company, taking care for his cares.
We are approaching the deadline, show time, for the play and for me. For the first time in my life, I have made a conscious choice to love a man. I have never "asked" Gabriel to love me. I was waiting for a return on my emotional investment in him. We ain't twenty. It don't take 2 – 3 years to figure out if you are willing to make some kind of commitment. Either you got the right one, ready to explore the possibilities, or you don't. I had discussed it with the sister – friends never telling him about my personal timetable.
"Girl, are you sure?" Jeannie sighed.
"Yes, I am. I'm sure enough to want to marry him. Don't know how he feels about it though."
"What if he doesn't ask you to marry him? Whaddya gonna do?"
I laugh, a little half heartedly," He doesn't have to as k me to marry him, Jeannie, he just needs to give me a real time reason to stay."
"But what if he doesn't, what you gonna do?"
"It'll be hard, but I'll keep moving. I'll know by September."
It's August, the heat is oppressive and so is Gabriel. He is cycling through so many mood swings in a day it's hard to keep up. At 10:00 am he's cussing me out. At 4:00 pm he wants to take me out to a movie. The man is driving me crazy. Love covers a multitude of sin, but I can't go on living like this.
The pressure of working two jobs, his 9-5 and his company, is beginning to get to him, I think. We need a vacation, I think. Take some time away from distractions, just the two of us, alone. He says he can't afford it. I still don't know how much he makes. This never mattered to me because I can't cash anybody's check but my own, be it reality or payroll. I suggest putting it on my credit card. We've done it before. Gabriel was always diligent and responsible in paying it off. It never occurred to me he w ould default on the debt.
"Where would you like to go, my king?"
"Florida." I want to go to Hawaii, but anywhere is fine by me.
"What would you like to do?"
"I dunno, scuba diving, jet ski, something in the ocean."
"Is your mom going too?" I ask because they sometimes take vacations together. I don't want her to feel left out.
"No."
This is cool with me. Like I said, I really did want to spend time alone with him.
Price nazi that I am, I go online, finding a fabulous package at an exclusive resort. Roundtrip airfare, rental car, suite, 4 days, for both of us, activities included, the retail value is approximately $3,500. I got it for a little less than $800.00. Very satisfied with myself I pull it up on the computer for his approval.
"How's this?" More reliable than Santa Claus, I always give him exactly what he asks for.
"Book it" he says somberly.
"Okay, but we have to sit through some kind of presentation for an hour to get this deal."
"That's all?"
"We also have to show proof of shared residence and travel together, it's a couple's thing."
"Okay, book it."
I pull out my card and it's done. So were we. The week before we were scheduled to leave Gabriel moves out of his own house to go and stay with his mother.
He claims I am obsessed, but I remember. I remember Gabriel tried to bankrupt me, emotionally and financially.
0A
